Hello. You’ve reached the blog of Jonathan Mercer. Jonathan Mercer is a twenty-something man who likes to write. At time of writing he has managed to complete one novel, dozens of short stories and three poems.
One poem describes flowers, but it is about his ex-girlfriend. It is not very good.
One of his stories is about a road trip through America. It features a character named Patience who resembles a woman that Jonathan fell in love with on the bus once. She got on a stop after he did and left two stops before he had to. She had four piercings in one ear.
Once, when he was looking at a girl bend over, he said “hot damn”. The people who he was with at the time laughed and made fun of him for using such a weird phrase. He still says it in his head, you can tell when he is because he has a little smile.
When he listens to songs he often mouths the words. He doesn’t care if people are watching; he likes it better that way. There are some songs that make him want to cry, because for a moment they are perfect. This has happened a few times, with Radiohead, Mars Volta, and Modest Mouse, to name a few.
Sometimes he has the power to be the worst person you’ll ever meet, but he’ll do it in such a way that it’ll be a while before you figure it out.
He left his job last week. After two and a half years of hating the place and everything in it he turned round and realised that he’d really miss hating that place.
He lives with his brother right now, but in a month or two he’ll be out. His life is going to start, and it’s going to be hard.
He falls in love with three people a day. Yesterday it was a girl who ended every sentence in a question, a girl with legs running on forever, and a girl who would be so beautiful if she weren’t ugly.
He has three best friends. One friend is endlessly interesting, one friend is scarily like him, and one friend he doesn’t talk to anymore. He regrets letting that happen.
He likes people that challenge him. This includes people who write better or more interesting stories than him, people who write better blogs than him, people who can do things he can’t and people who are smarter than him. He is never friends with anyone who he thinks is beneath him.
There are exceptions to this though. People below him tend to flatter than him and he likes thinking he’s an amazing person because no one tells him he is when it’s actually true.
He has fallen wholly in love with two people so far. He thinks he’ll take a break from it for a while.
If you don’t get to know him too well, he’s a nice guy.
I know all this because I created him.
My name is Joe, I’m a 19 year old writer from Scotland and I make people up for a living. Last year I was Jesse Sutherland. I don’t know who I’m going to be next year, but I can say that he won’t be Jonathan. Jonathan was a good guy. He was nice, simple, and just fun to write. But he became too much like me. I think it was my fault really. I put him up somewhere I couldn’t reach. I gave him attributes I didn’t have, I made him too funny, too whimsical. And now he’s dead. There’s a lesson here.
Surprise?
And goodbye!
